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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
i propose that we have a Bad Joke Friday....

and to get the ball rolling....

A friend asked what's your pet hate?

I told him he's not keen on having things shoved up his arse!!!

do your worst gentlemen
 

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Nice one jezzasnr , 3 of us sat here in work fecking howling at that one :lol: !!!! Just had to wring my socks out !!! :lol: :lol:

Anyway . . . . . . . .here's my contribution . . . . . .


Hooked
Beef
Oil
Whale

I'll bet you can't say those words in reverse order without sounding like an Irishman swearing . . . . !!! :twisted:
 

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Henry Gilbey said:
Guys, please, I am trying to concentrate on clearing work and packing up to head over to Ireland tomorrow - nice one !!

You'll need your sense of humour over there Henry, so think of this as a warm-up !!! Here's a bit of modern transport in Waterford - i took this pic on my camfone out my front window back in September as i overtook em' on a main road !!!!



Gotta love em' tinkers !!!!
 

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Very Funny Guys :D Thought you said BAD jokes,

Not so much a joke but quite amusing:


To help you to forget your everyday problems and read how others put their thoughts into words......these are genuine clips from Council complaint letters..

1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

3. It's all the dog mess that I find hard to swallow.

4. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

5. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle, very badly, when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

6. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

7. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

8. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

9. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday, and now she is pregnant.

11. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

12. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are just plain filthy.

13. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

14. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

15. Will you please send a man to look at my water; it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

16. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

17. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.

18. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

19. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

20. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

21. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

22. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times, but I still have no satisfaction.

23. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken, and we can't get BBC2
 

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:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: plonk !!! sorry i just laughed my head off !!!!
 

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not so much as a joke guys but put yourself in my position for something i done last year.....parked up in sainsburys petrol station to get some fuel,kids in the back seat.payed at till and walked back to the car to find the kids out of the belts.banged on the back window and shouted"get back into your bloody seats"......DOH!aint my car aint my kids...my car that was the same model was on the next pump....lets just say i made fast exit :oops: :oops: ....funny thing is they got back into their seats :lol: :lol:
 

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Lewisman said:
Nice one jezzasnr , 3 of us sat here in work fecking howling at that one :lol: !!!! Just had to wring my socks out !!! :lol: :lol:

Anyway . . . . . . . .here's my contribution . . . . . .


Hooked
Beef
Oil
Whale

I'll bet you can't say those words in reverse order without sounding like an Irishman swearing . . . . !!! :twisted:
I know it's now saturday but i wasn't here yesterday
Hoof hearted ice melted

Well oil beef hooked
 

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mosseydog said:
Very Funny Guys :D Thought you said BAD jokes,

Not so much a joke but quite amusing:


To help you to forget your everyday problems and read how others put their thoughts into words......these are genuine clips from Council complaint letters..
Nice one Andrew, thats the funniest thing i've read in a very long time, I was peeing myself at some of them bud', :lol: :D :lol:
 

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This was apparently the best response of the year
This policeman was being cross-examined by a defence attorney during a felony trial.

The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility....

Q: "Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?"

A: "No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away."


Q: "Officer -- who provided this description?"

A: "The officer who responded to the scene."


Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?"

A: "Yes, sir. With my life."


Q: "With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?"

A: "Yes sir, we do!"


Q: "And do you have a locker in the room?"

A: "Yes sir, I do."


Q: "And do you have a lock on your locker?"

A: "Yes sir."


Q: "Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, why do you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?"

A: " Well you see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room."


The courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called.
 

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My daughter Nicola comes out with some classics, she should have been blonde. Here are just a few of the recent ones;

Talking about WW2 the other day she asked if Dunkirk is in Scotland.

Whilst naming dinosaurs she said "a Thesaurus".

She asked me if Jersey is joined to the world and does the sea go right underneath it?

At a job interview the interviewer asked what news papers she reads, she meant to say "mainly broard sheets" but said "mainly spread sheets"

Around at a friends for tea, her friends parent asked if she had had enough food and she replied "I am signifficant thank you".

"Are there more people dead than alive?"

"Is a civil war a friendly war?"

In London a few weks ago she went in a resturant and saw Bob Geldof in there, so shouts out "Look!! Bob Dylan is over there!!" He heard her and laughed.
 

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my daughter was browsing auto trader one day and one motor caught her eye.i said go and view it.....she replied,i better not.i asked why ? she replied,because it says here first to see will buy. :roll: :oops:
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
mrfishjersey said:
My daughter Nicola comes out with some classics, she should have been blonde. Here are just a few of the recent ones;

Talking about WW2 the other day she asked if Dunkirk is in Scotland.

Whilst naming dinosaurs she said "a Thesaurus".

She asked me if Jersey is joined to the world and does the sea go right underneath it?

At a job interview the interviewer asked what news papers she reads, she meant to say "mainly broard sheets" but said "mainly spread sheets"

Around at a friends for tea, her friends parent asked if she had had enough food and she replied "I am signifficant thank you".

"Are there more people dead than alive?"

"Is a civil war a friendly war?"

In London a few weks ago she went in a resturant and saw Bob Geldof in there, so shouts out "Look!! Bob Dylan is over there!!" He heard her and laughed.
I blame the parents!!
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
and this Friday's entry. appologies for the delay...

There was a young woman frome Bude
Who liked to swim in the nude
a man in a punt,
stuck his pole in the water
and said you can't swim in here, it's private!!
 

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For the Welsh lads:

Three old football fans are in a church, praying for their teams.

The first one asks, "Oh Lord when will Wales next win the Football World Cup?"
God Replies: "In the next five years."
"But I'll be dead by then," says the first man.

The second one asks, "Oh Lord, when will Swansea next win the FA Cup?"
The Good Lord answers: "In the next ten years."
"But I'll be dead by then," says the second man.

The third one asks, "Oh Lord when will Cardiff City win the Premier League?"
God answers: "I'll be fuc*in' dead by then!"
 

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Blockhead said:
From a 7 year old

Why did the banana go to the hospital?



Coz it wasn't peeling very well.

whats a plumbers favorite vegetable?
<
<
<
<
<
<
<
<
Leek !
 

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Cabbie Rhys Parry Jones, was taking an American tourist from Bristol to Cardiff. When they were going over the Severn Bridge, the American told Rhys he had a longer bridge on his ranch in Colorado.

When they arrived in Cardiff, Rhys showed him Cardiff Castle and the yank said his garage in Colorado was twice as big and only took a week to build.

When the tourist spotted the Millennium Stadium, he asked Rhys what it was.

Rhys replied: “I don’t know, mate, it wasn’t there this morning.” :D
 
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